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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28749096">Home Is Where Your Soul Is [Translation]</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoshishisha/pseuds/Yoshishisha'>Yoshishisha</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Daemons, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Daemons, M/M, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 03:34:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,782</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28749096</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoshishisha/pseuds/Yoshishisha</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Translation of Home is Where Your Soul Is by Sanashiya</p><p>The Winter Soldier has no daemon. It's incomprehensible, inconceivable, terrifying. But when the Soldier's mask falls and Bucky shows up underneath, Steve, consumed with rage, has only one idea in mind: to give back to his best friend what HYDRA has snatched from him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>92</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Fandom Trumps Hate 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Home Is Where Your Soul Is [Translation]</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aquatigermice/gifts">Aquatigermice</a>.</li>


        <li>
            A translation of

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/13724580">Home is where your soul is</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanashiya/pseuds/Sanashiya">Sanashiya</a>.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Translator's notes:<br/>Written for Aquatigermice as part of the Fandom Trumps Hate Collection! I was given carte blanche as to which fic I should translate, so I chose this beautiful fic by Sanashiya. It was a lot of fun to translate, even though I might have made some mistake on the daemon terminology. I hope you all enjoy it, and happy new year!</p><p>Original Author’s Notes:<br/>Hello world! Here I am with a small OS written for the February "Daemons" challenge of the Noname Collective (link in my favorites).<br/>The daemons (from Philip Pullman's trilogy of books His Dark Materials) are a physical representation of the soul, in the form of an animal, that can speak and move and act as it pleases. The daemons are unable to stray too far from their humans and when one of them dies, the other also dies. If you want more information, there is a Wikipedia article about it :) I hope this basic information will be enough for you to understand if you don't know!<br/>The author's challenge: what would be your daemon if you had one? Well, as the daemon reflects personality, I think mine would be a multicolored mouse x3<br/>Have a good read! I read it all in a hurry before going on holiday so don't hesitate to point out the spelling mistakes!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Winter Soldier doesn't have a daemon. That's the first thing Steve notices - it's so shocking! A man without a daemon is like a man without a head, it isn't supposed to exist. And yet, Steve follows him through the corridors, follows him to the rooftops, Nomad running by his side without making any noise despite his lion's build, and the man is alone, undoubtedly alone.</p><p>Of course, he thinks, once the ghost has disappeared after jumping off the roof, his daemon may have been hidden in his gear. But honestly, his outfit was tight enough not to leave much to the imagination; even a mouse, Steve would have seen, and he does not imagine a man like him, such a ruthless assassin, having a harmless daemon like a butterfly or a bee.</p><p>And yet this is probably the case, since the man is alive. Steve has already seen daemons torn from their humans during the Second World War in all these HYDRA bases that he destroyed with Bucky and the Commandos. And it was never nice to see. The few humans who survived the separation ended up dying anyway a few days later.</p><p>Steve must have been wrong. It’s the only option. He glances at Nomad, who stares at him with his big golden eyes.</p><p>"He must have had a daemon, right?" he asks him.</p><p>"If he had one, I didn’t see it.”</p><p>That was the answer Steve was afraid of. Nothing escapes Nomad, nothing. He lets out a sigh.</p><p>"We'll think about it later. Fury is injured.”</p><p>They hurry to reach him and try to drive the daemonless man out of their thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>  </p><p>It’s Natasha who tackles the subject a few hours later when he corners her in a hospital room after noticing the disappearance of his USB stick in the vending machine. Nomad stares at Natasha's daemon, her black panther Zankaya, who flattens herself to the ground as she lets out a little moan. Natasha sighs, defeated, and she tells him the story of her engineer in Odessa.</p><p>"He's a ghost," she says. “No daemon.”</p><p>"How is that possible?" Steve asks. “No one can survive a torn daemon.”</p><p>"He can," she replies simply. “Maybe that's why he's so fearsome.”</p><p>SHIELD (or rather, HYDRA) is still after them. They don disguises, try to make sure that Rumlow doesn't spot Nomad and Zankaya, they go to New Jersey, they narrowly escape death, and finally, they take refuge in Sam's house, in bad condition but alive - and during all this chase, deep down, Steve never stops thinking about this man, this masked assassin who has no daemon. He feels Nomad shivering in terror every time, and even he himself, the idea makes him nauseous. He knows what it's like to draw on the invisible bond that binds a human to his daemon. Everyone tries it once in their life, competes with their friends to see who will go the farthest. But never for too long, because the pain is unbearable; it’s as if one pulls on a thread attached to their soul, and each additional step gives the impression that the thread will break and that the soul will explode.</p><p>It is a bond that has nothing to do with physical strength, for Steve was unable to move away from Nomad before the serum, and he was equally unable to do so afterwards, despite his new body, his two feet increase in height and additional hundred pounds, and his metabolism four times faster. Moreover, the serum has changed absolutely nothing about Nomad’s appearance, which is a physical representation of his soul. He was already huge before, and everyone (except Bucky) was astonished to see Steve the weakling with such a ferocious animal; once out of the machine, no one said anything.</p><p>When Steve, sitting in Sam's living room, tells him the story of the man without a daemon, he sees Redwing, his hawk, start to flutter around Sam's head, visibly upset. Nomad puts his head on Steve's knee, his golden gaze raised towards him, and Natasha has her hands buried in Zankaya's fur. Talking about such a horribly mutilated man makes them instantly protective of their own daemons. Sam swallows.</p><p>"He really doesn't have a daemon? Not even a tiny one? Maybe you didn't get a good look?”</p><p>Even though the man is part of HYDRA, the idea is so horrible that everyone pities him. He probably didn’t part with his daemon voluntarily.</p><p>Natasha sighs.</p><p>"He doesn't have one, no. I dated him when I still belonged to the Russians. He trained us, the others and me.”</p><p>She doesn't specify which Russians, nor who those "others" are, but it's the first time Steve hears her talk so explicitly about her past and he doesn't plan to interrupt her. She's agitated; her hands close over Zankaya's short fur, who stiffens, nervous.</p><p>"He was a legend among us. The man without a daemon. Everyone was afraid to approach him.”</p><p>Nomad lets out a little whine and Steve shivers. Redwing lands on Sam's shoulder and bumps her head against him, and Sam automatically raises his hand to pet and reassure her.</p><p>Natasha says no more, and the three of them try to drive the man out of their thoughts by coming up with a plan to capture Sitwell.</p><p>  </p><p> </p><p>Steve finds the Winter Soldier on the deck. His gestures are absolute precision, extraordinary vivacity, incredible strength, and he still has no daemon. It's something that upsets Steve a lot, who is always a little behind on the exchanges while the Soldier manages to not only push him back, but also push back Nomad who throws himself into the fray to help Steve. No one is as good as Steve in one-on-one close combat, but to be overpowered when they are two-on-one is unheard of. The man seems to be everywhere at once, and how can he be so<em> alive</em> when he has no daemon, it's paradoxical, it's inconceivable; then Nomad manages to make him lose his balance, and Steve grabs him and throws him over his shoulder, and the mask falls.</p><p>And behind the mask, there's a familiar face.</p><p>
  <em>"Bucky?"</em>
</p><p>The man who has the face of his childhood friend looks at him, inexpressive.</p><p>"Who the hell is Bucky?"</p><p>And he's about to charge again, indomitable, when Sam and Redwing show up, and SHIELD shows up, and the cameras show up, and Steve is lost in his head, doubly shocked.</p><p>
  <em>Bucky is alive.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Bucky has no daemon.</em>
</p><p>The thought of it makes him sick, and he lets himself be pulled away when Rumlow and Rollins capture his friend, and he doesn't understand, he doesn't understand<em> anything.</em></p><p>One thing at a time.</p><p>Bucky isn’t dead. He must have survived the fall. Steve can see the scene as if it were yesterday; Bucky falling into the void, Dot, his cat daemon, throwing herself off the train in his wake, as Steve should have done. The vision has haunted him for so long. Dot didn't hesitate for a moment before jumping. Bucky opened her arms, caught up with her, and they both disappeared from Steve's field of vision, while Nomad remained on the train roaring in pain.</p><p>Steve spent so much time crying, his head buried in Nomad's bushy mane.</p><p>"It wasn't your fault, Steve," Nomad kept telling him over the next few days. “You know you couldn't save him.”</p><p>"I could and I didn't, Nom, he was at the end of my hand, I should have jumped..."</p><p>"And you would have killed yourself," Nomad replies. “And me with it.”</p><p>"Dot jumped.”</p><p>"You know she couldn't do otherwise.”</p><p>For all the comfort Nomad could offer, Steve failed to quell his grief (and so did Nomad, no matter what he said), and that's how just a week later, after consultation with Nomad, he crashed his plane into the ocean. For the sake of humanity, they said, but they both knew what was really going on in their hearts.</p><p>Now Bucky is alive, and Dot is gone.</p><p>Dot was the most beautiful daemon Steve had ever seen. When she took her final form, a lively and agile cat, with a black coat speckled with brown and red, very long silky fur, and bright blue eyes, Bucky almost cried with happiness. He showed up at Steve’s house to show him, and Steve, at thirteen, hadn't been there yet, and he was both jealous that Nomad didn't have his final form, and at the same time anxious that he could never morph again after. Bucky never seemed to regret it, and when Nomad became a lion for good, Steve understood why: it was like getting to know a new part of himself. It was like reading deep in his heart and <em>understanding.</em></p><p>All humans are always inseparable from their daemon, that's the order of things, but Bucky and Dot were even more so than anyone else. Dot was always perched on his shoulder or in his arms, summer and winter, and they almost never spoke to each other because they seemed to understand each other telepathically.</p><p>And now Bucky’s back and Dot is gone. It's ten thousand times worse than the idea of having a Winter Soldier without a daemon. It's Bucky, and the certainty that Dot was torn from him, and that he survived without her, one way or another. Steve doesn't understand how that's possible. Surviving the fall is explainable; Bucky was genetically modified too.</p><p>But surviving the loss of his daemon is incomprehensible.</p><p>And Steve feels a mad rage, a blind fury rise within him at the thought that HYDRA could have done this to his best friend, his brother, his love. He remembers the first time he touched Dot's coat, the way it took Bucky’s breath away, because it was such an intimate gesture, so taboo, and it was like touching silk, it was like touching the bottom of Bucky's soul, and he can't believe that he had that taken away from him. , that Dot could have been snatched from him.</p><p>After that, even the surprise of finding Fury alive seems less important, and Steve can only think about one thing: finding Bucky and removing him from the clutches of these monsters. And killing as many as he can, if possible. They deserve nothing else.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Bucky blocks his way on the helicarrier. Physically, it’s him, no doubt; and yet he doesn't look like Bucky, <em>his</em> Bucky. His eyes are empty, his expression neutral, and Steve wonders if it's because Dot is no longer there.</p><p>With Nomad's help, he manages to put the motherboard in place, but Bucky shoots him in the back, and Nomad lets out a cry of pain when Steve falls.</p><p>Then everything starts to shake around them, and Bucky is caught under an iron beam, and Steve manages to jump to free him. Nomad is running circles around Steve, but he doesn't stop him.</p><p>Finally, Bucky gets up, and for the first time, when his eyes land on Nomad, a small spark of uncertainty passes through his eyes. Steve is still hurt from his injuries, from the bullet in his body, but he has to try.</p><p>"You know us," he says, begging.</p><p>"No!” Bucky shouts.</p><p>He seems to be in so much pain, and Steve's heart is bleeding for him.</p><p>"Bucky, you've known us forever.”</p><p>Bucky throws himself at him to hit him. Nomad doesn’t even try to prevent it.</p><p>"Your name is James Buchanan Barnes, and your daemon was called Dot."</p><p>"Shut up!" Bucky shouts again.</p><p>Steve lets his shield fall, out of love for his best friend, and Bucky's metal fist crashes against his face, out of hatred for his target, and Nomad whines, but remains still.</p><p>Then the helicarrier collapses, and it's Steve's turn to fall this time, and Nomad throws himself after him. He tries to catch him, but he is weakened by Steve’s injuries, Steve making no effort to rise to the surface, close as he is to the edge of unconsciousness.</p><p>And it's Bucky who pulls them both out of the water, the metal hand gripping Steve's uniform and the flesh hand grabbing Nomad's mane, and it's so natural to feel him touch his daemon, so familiar, that even in his state of half-consciousness, Steve manages to understand what's going on.</p><p>When the touch disappears, he manages to understand that Bucky is leaving.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"He didn’t hesitate for a moment," Nomad whispers to Steve, in the silence of Sam's bedroom.</p><p>It's been a week since Bucky left, and Steve just got out of the hospital. He wanted to go home, before remembering that his apartment was compromised, spied on by SHIELD and HYDRA, full of holes due to the Winter Soldier's bullets, and he once again found refuge with Sam, who offered him his bedroom and who sleeps on the couch, Redwing lodged in his neck.</p><p>And of course, like every time they're alone, Steve and Nomad talk.</p><p>"He grabbed me by the mane without hesitation," Nomad continues. “He must remember something.”</p><p>"Maybe he forgot the Taboo," says Steve.</p><p>Everyone knows it, deep down; no one is allowed to touch someone else's daemon. It is such an extreme violation of intimacy; it's like being grasped deep in the soul. Even in combat, in general, people avoid doing so; the daemons attack each other, but no human will touch the daemon of an enemy. Even when HYDRA is the opponent, it almost never happens.</p><p>But it's completely different when the act is wanted, shared with someone you love. Steve still remembers the day Bucky stroked Nomad's fur for the first time; they already knew how much they loved each other, they had been together in secret for almost a year, and yet, when Bucky touched Nomad, it was like rediscovering their relationship. It was on that day that Steve really realized the depth of his love for Bucky, and Bucky the depth of his own for Steve. It was the most intimate of acts, even more so than the touch of their bodies against each other in the warmth of their blankets.</p><p>And Bucky didn’t hesitate before taking Nomad by the mane and pulling him out of the water.</p><p>"He must have memories," said Nomad. “He wouldn’t have broken the Taboo otherwise.”</p><p>"If he had any memories, he would not have beaten me almost to death on the helicarrier.</p><p>"Maybe it's the body’s memory," Nomad replies. “He doesn't know he remembers it. He'll come back, Steve.”</p><p>"Do you think so? What for? He tried to kill me. Why would he come back?”</p><p>"Because he’ll remember eventually.”</p><p>Dot haunts Steve's thoughts, and Nomad's too, even if he doesn't say it.</p><p>"Do you think she's dead?" Steve ends up whispering, lying against his daemon on the floor next to Sam's bed. “Or she's still alive anyway?”</p><p>"I don't know, Steve. I don't know what happened. But I don't see how she would have survived the separation. That's impossible.”</p><p>Steve's heart tightens. Bucky must have suffered so, so much. He feels pain in his own chest and burning and bitter tears flow against Nomad's sandy fur.</p><p> </p><p>  </p><p>When Steve returns to his apartment to pick up some of his things, his guard immediately goes up. Everything seems normal, but someone came in. Nomad’s nose is on the ground, sniffing, and his tail whips the air in agitation.</p><p>Suddenly he leaps towards the bedroom, the door of which he pushes with the tip of his snout, and Steve rushes after him.</p><p>Bucky is standing next to the bed, like a dark shadow.</p><p>Steve feels his heart stop in his chest. Bucky's expression has nothing to do with the one he had on the helicarrier, that unbearable emptiness. No - he seems defensive, scared, and above all, he seems to be in terrible pain. He glances at Steve in a way that almost seems tortured, and Steve, looking down, sees that he is holding the panther stuffed animal that Natasha gave him when he moved in, squeezing it so tightly that his knuckles whiten, and Steve is about to start crying.</p><p>"Bucky," he whispers, heartbroken.</p><p>"Where is… Where is my...”</p><p>Bucky's voice is hoarse, and he doesn't finish his sentence, and Steve feels the tears overflowing from his eyes. Who knows how many days Bucky has been here, looking for the answer to his question, trying to remember the lost name of his daemon?</p><p>"Dot," he whispers with a muffled voice. “Her name was Dot.”</p><p>"Dot," Bucky repeats.</p><p>His eyes widen, as if he had just uttered a magic word, a word that opens the doors of his memory, and he repeats, looking both tortured and amazed:</p><p>"Dot."</p><p>Steve doesn't know what to say to him. He doesn’t know how to deal with the loss of a daemon; he has never witnessed such a scene, with anyone. He must fall back on platitudes, and he feels terribly guilty about it, but that’s all he can manage to do.</p><p>"Are you hungry, Bucky? Do you want something to eat?”</p><p>Bucky looks up at him, as if he had forgotten his presence, then lowers his head towards Nomad, who stares at him. They look at each other for a very long time, then Nomad walks forward, without even consulting Steve, and stretches his snout toward Bucky to lick his hand.</p><p>Bucky jumps as though electrified, and Steve no longer dares to make a gesture, his heart pounding in his chest. He feels like he's living in slow motion.</p><p>Then Bucky kneels, puts his hand on Nomad's head, buries his fingers in his mane, and Steve, who stares at him, sees tears forming at the edge of his eyes and hurtling down his cheeks. Bucky opens his mouth, then closes it, then opens it again.</p><p>“N...”</p><p>An expression of frustration crosses his face, and he closes his eyes for a moment, before trying again.</p><p>“No...’</p><p>"Nomad," whispers the lion to help him. “Nomad.”</p><p>"Nomad," Bucky repeats, observing him intently.</p><p>His hand continues to caress his mane, and Steve feels it all the way down to the deepest parts of him. Bucky looks up at him.</p><p>"Your name is Steve," he whispers very lowly. “I read something about you in a museum.”</p><p>Steve crouches down to be at eye level and nods. Bucky looks at Nomad.</p><p>"They didn’t say what your daemon was called. But I knew it started with an N. You were telling the truth on the helicarrier, weren't you? We know each other.”</p><p>Steve nods again, slowly.</p><p>"Yes, Bucky. We've known each other forever.”</p><p>A glimmer of despair passes through Bucky's eyes.</p><p>"Then help me find my daemon.”</p><p> </p><p>  </p><p>Steve made sandwiches for Bucky, which he stacked on a plate on the table, but Bucky squeezes Nomad against him and refuses to let him go. Steve knows full well that this is to make up for the loss of Dot, and he wouldn’t tell him to stop for anything in the world; besides, Nomad doesn't seem to want to leave him either.</p><p>"Tell me, Bucky," Steve says in a soft voice. “What happened to Dot?”</p><p>Bucky shivers as though feverish. He no longer resembles the Winter Soldier, terrible, ruthless; he looks like what he is: a tortured, mutilated man.</p><p>"They’re the ones who have her," he whispers.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>Steve's afraid to understand. A cold shiver runs down his spine.</p><p>"They have Dot," Bucky repeats. “Hydra.”</p><p>"They have... They have Dot? Dot is alive?”</p><p>Bucky nods, and Steve is convinced he's going to throw up. But Bucky is pale as a ghost, and one of them must be strong, Steve has to be strong for him. He swallows back his nausea.</p><p>"I can feel her," Bucky whispers. “I know she’s alive. But I don't know where she is.”</p><p>Steve shakes his head, shocked, astounded.</p><p>“But... But how is that possible Bucky? You... You are...”</p><p>There really isn't any way to make this sound less brutal.</p><p>“You're separated,” he continues.</p><p>Bucky nods.</p><p>"I don't remember the separation. I don't even know what she looks like. What form she has. But I know she's alive.”</p><p>Nomad lets out a little whine and buries his snout in Bucky's neck, who closes his eyes. Steve can't imagine that torture; to not remember the appearance of his daemon.</p><p>On the other hand, he is half relieved that Bucky no longer remembers the separation, because the memory must not be pleasant.</p><p>"Do you think Hydra has her?"</p><p>"Yes. She's trapped, or she'd come and find me. She's in a cage. They hurt her every once in a while. I feel her pain.”</p><p>"Bucky," Steve whispers in a broken voice.</p><p>"I went to see where they kept me," Bucky whispered, his head still buried in Nomad's fur, eyes closed. “In the bank. But it’s all emptied out, and she wasn’t there. I want my daemon back, Steve.”</p><p>Steve approaches and sets his hand on Nomad - he doesn't dare to touch Bucky himself, not yet.</p><p>"We'll find her, Bucky. We'll do everything we can.”</p><p>"What if they kill her first? Now that I've run away?”</p><p>Steve swallows. The thought is horrible on every level - if Dot dies, Bucky probably will too. He'd rather not think about it.</p><p>"Let's hurry up, then."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The plan is simple: find all of HYDRA’s bases and go through them to retrieve Dot. As it was their original mission anyway, with or without Bucky, no one sees a problem with it. And furthermore, everyone feels a terrible pity for Bucky, and a little afraid of him at the same time.</p><p>When Steve explains his plan to Sam and Natasha, no one questions Bucky's motives. The Winter Soldier has belonged to HYDRA for so long - it would be simple for him to impersonate James Buchanan Barnes, to push Steve to lower his guard and then kill or capture him. This is probably what Natasha would have said if she hadn’t seen Bucky with her own eyes, if she hadn’t read the despair at the bottom of his irises; the most telling thing, however, is the way he’s still touching Nomad, with a hand in his mane or his fur, as if to compensate for the loss of his own daemon. No one can pretend that much, especially with someone else's daemon.</p><p>When he sees this, Sam looks curiously toward Steve.</p><p>"Doesn't it make you feel weird that he's taking your daemon?" he whispers so that Bucky, once again glued against Nomad, does not hear him.</p><p>Steve turns his head to him; the idea didn't even cross his mind. It's not like Bucky is going<em> to steal</em> Nomad from him. It's just a defense mechanism, a solution to alleviate pain. In fact, Nomad himself refuses to stray from Bucky, and Steve has no intention of bringing him back to order.</p><p>"No," he said simply. “Of course not.”</p><p>Sam doesn't seem convinced, and Steve understands, a bit late, where his shock comes from: the Taboo. In an even lower voice, he adds:</p><p>"We used to be close, Bucky and I. We often touched each other's daemon. If Nomad can give him some comfort, so much the better. I don't mind.”</p><p>In reality, it’s even the other way around; when Bucky touches Nomad, Steve feels him deep down, and it always feels like finding a missing piece of his heart.</p><p>When they are finally ready to go on a mission, a problem arises. Steve would rather avoid HYDRA knowing that the Winter Soldier asked for their help, lest something happen to Dot if they found out. Which would mean leaving Bucky in a safe place.</p><p>But it would also mean leaving Bucky without Nomad, and given the way he clings to the daemon, Steve isn’t sure he would be able to handle it. And it's not as if he could leave him with another daemon, like Natasha's or Sam's; even if they feel sorry for him, the Taboo is too massive to be broken.</p><p>"I want to come," Bucky says stubbornly, his hand in Nomad's mane. “She’s my daemon.”</p><p>Steve sighs and finds a middle ground; for each of the bases they infiltrate, Bucky will accompany them to the entrance and wait with Nomad in their getaway vehicle. Hopefully, Steve will be able to get far enough away from his daemon to explore the base.</p><p>The first base they visit is in suburban Washington; it is Bucky who tells them where it is, based on the few memories he has of it. It's not hard to ransack it; the destruction of the helicarriers and the deaths of the organization's top officers such as Pierce have plunged HYDRA into chaos, and no one knows how to react when Steve, Sam, Natasha, Tony, and Clint show up.</p><p>Finally, after exploring it from top to bottom, they have to face reality: Dot is not there. Bucky, with whom they are in contact from the Quinjet, confirms to them that he feels no particular change through his connection; they assume that if the hide-in where Dot is were attacked, someone would take her elsewhere, probably hurting her, and Bucky would feel it.</p><p>What Steve learns, however, is that it's horribly hard to draw on the bond he shares with Nomad. The further away he goes, the more the wire pulls, and when Steve gets to the second basement, he struggles to hold back a sob—a huge weight seems lodged in his throat. But he keeps going on for Bucky.</p><p>When they get out and return to the Quinjet, the base completely destroyed, he throws himself at Nomad and hugs him tight. The back door of the Quinjet bears the claw marks of Nomad, who certainly tried to get out.</p><p>Bucky, who never really looks him in the eye, looks both distressed and defensive when he sees him hugging the lion.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Steve," he says. “I'm selfish.”</p><p>Steve takes the time to recover by breathing in the smell of his daemon's mane, then raises his head to Bucky, who, he notes, still has Nomad's tail wrapped around his hand.</p><p>He tries to smile at him.</p><p>"It's nothing, Bucky. It's the least I can do for you.”</p><p>Bucky does smile back at him, but the corner of his lip trembles quickly, as if to form a slight smile, which disappears immediately.</p><p>"I don't even remember you," he whispers. “I don't even know why you're doing this.”</p><p>Steve lowers his eyes to his hand, which is gently squeezing the lion's sand-colored tail.</p><p>"Your mind may not remember, but your body does.”</p><p>Bucky stares at him with a surprised look, then he looks down again. But he adds nothing, because Stark makes the Quinjet take off, and they fasten their seatbelts.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Obviously, Bucky sleeps in the same room as Steve. At least he<em> stays</em> in the same room as Steve, because Steve’s not sure he's really sleeping; but he's there, sitting on the floor, touching Nomad who's sleeping on the floor while Steve is lying on the bed.</p><p>Natasha, despite her understanding attitude, still refused to let Steve sleep in the same room as the Winter Soldier unsupervised<em> (he tried to kill you a fortnight ago, Steve), </em>and placed Zankaya near them to stand guard.</p><p>But Steve is certain that Bucky is absolutely not thinking about attacking him; He just wants to find Dot.</p><p>They don’t find anything in the second base, nor the third; but in the fourth, a fortnight later north of New York, when they enter the base and begin getting rid of HYDRA agents, Bucky's voice immediately sounds in their earpieces.</p><p>"They’re touching Dot," he says, looking very agitated. “Someone just grabbed her. I feel it.”</p><p>Steve can't help but marvel at how Bucky gets to feel what Dot feels even though they've been torn apart. It shouldn't even be possible. He doesn't understand.</p><p>Pulling painfully on the bond that binds him to Nomad, who remained in the Quinjet, Steve tries to get down into the base. It's horribly difficult, it's like he's got a ball and chain holding his feet; but it’s for Bucky, he reminds himself, so that Bucky can get back half his soul.</p><p>Then, a HYDRA agent walks out into the hallway, Dot in a metal cage. He freezes when he sees Steve, who doesn't waste a moment to knock him out with his shield, picked up by Tony at the bottom of the Potomac River when he was still in the hospital.</p><p>The man falls, the cage falls, and Steve rushes, trying to ignore the pain of his still stretching bond with Nomad.</p><p>"Dot!" he yells.</p><p>In the earpiece, he hears Bucky holding his breath. He's having trouble breathing, too.</p><p>It is her, impossible to doubt even if she is much leaner and has much duller hair than Steve remembers; but she still has the same fur, and terribly blue eyes. When the cage falls, she spits, her back bristling, but as soon as she hears Steve's voice, she freezes.</p><p>Steve kneels next to the cage. He’s afraid that she’ll run away if he lets her out, but the idea of keeping her prisoner for a single instant longer is absolutely intolerable.</p><p>"Bucky’s here," he whispers. “We're here to pick you up.”</p><p>Dot looks at him, still frozen, and Steve thinks she's forgotten him too, and then, very low, she breathes out:</p><p>"Steve."</p><p>Steve nods frantically while trying to open the cage, his fingers trembling.</p><p>"Remember me?" he asks. “Bucky can't remember. He lost his memories.”</p><p>"I remember," she says slowly.</p><p>Finally, Steve manages to open the door, and Dot immediately runs, speeding down the hallway, before returning to Steve.</p><p>"I want to get out," she says. “I want to see James.”</p><p><em>James. </em>That's right, she always called him James.</p><p>Steve, still on his knees, reaches out to her.</p><p>"You can climb up, if you want. I'll take you to him.”</p><p>Dot looks at him, hesitating, then climbs onto his hands, and Steve holds her tightly against him. As soon as her paws land on Steve's hands, through the earpiece, he hears Bucky let out a whine.</p><p><em>"Steve...</em>”</p><p>Steve knows how he feels; he has spent the last three weeks going through the same thing—at this very moment, he still manages to feel Bucky's hands resting on Nomad. But he blushes all the same, because Bucky used the same voice as when they made love, an eternity ago.</p><p>And of course, everyone else makes the most of the moment as well.</p><p>"I take it that you found Dot," says Sam, slightly mockingly.</p><p>"I think it was obvious," Natasha replies.</p><p>Steve doesn't pay attention to their jokes. He tightens his arms around Dot, who buries her head in his neck and starts purring, and it's the best feeling of bliss in the world, while on the other side, Bucky strokes Nomad.</p><p>"I'm bringing Dot back to Bucky," he says when he’s able to speak again. “Take care of the rest.”</p><p>Fortunately, no one tries to block his way as he climbs up the floors. There’s only him and Dot, and Bucky's breathing in his ear.</p><p>"Thank you," says Dot after a while. “Thank you for picking me up. For helping James. I knew you'd do it once you knew who he was.”</p><p>"Do you remember everything, then?" Steve whispers.</p><p>"The most important, at least," Dot replies.</p><p>She's always been enigmatic, Steve suddenly remembers - a real cat. He doesn’t insist. Steve doesn't dare ask the question that burns on his lips: how is she still alive, when she was ripped from Bucky?</p><p>Instead, he strokes her along her back, and in the earpiece, he hears Bucky's breathing stutter.</p><p>"We're there soon," he whispers into his microphone.</p><p>"Hurry up," Bucky replies, his voice tense.</p><p>When Steve arrives in front of the Quinjet, his heart is beating at full speed, and not just because he's been running all the way. He opens the door, and immediately Dot jumps off his shoulder and rushes to Bucky, who finally lets Nomad go and catches her to hold her against him.</p><p>They don't utter a word, like in the old days, but Bucky's tears flow freely down his cheeks, and Dot purrs so loudly that Steve can hear her from where he is.</p><p>Nomad joins him immediately, stressed out after Steve has pulled so hard on their bond again, and Steve hugs him. A flood of love for his daemon rushes through him, and he can imagine what Bucky must be feeling at this moment.</p><p>The four of them remain like this, in silence, until Bucky finally raises his head toward Steve, his eyelashes wet with tears, but an unspeakable relief in his eyes.</p><p>"Thank you, Steve," he says in a voice about to break.</p><p>"Don't thank me, Bucky. I had to do something. They separated you from your daemon for so long...”</p><p>"Twenty years," says Dot, in her little cat voice. “We haven't seen each other in 20 years.”</p><p>Steve feels all the air leaving his lungs. Next to him, Nomad freezes.</p><p>"What?" says Steve in a very small voice. “Twenty years?”</p><p>"We managed to meet during a transfer," said Dot. “And before that, it had been over thirty years. We've spent fifty years of our lives apart. So believe me, Steve, we<em> have to </em>thank you.”</p><p>The mics are still on, and when they hear Dot's sentence, everyone drops a strangled exclamation. Fifty years away from his daemon. It's unimaginable. Steve squeezes Nomad harder against him, an excruciating pain piercing his heart.</p><p>Bucky doesn’t add anything; he's probably too upset to talk. Dot curls up in the hollow of his neck, and they stand like this, silently and motionless, until the others return after destroying the base from top to bottom.</p><p> </p><p>  </p><p>That night, they stay in New York, in Stark Tower, and Bucky doesn't need to sleep in the same room as Steve, now that he's back to his daemon, but he does it anyway. The bed is huge; he’s lying on one side and Steve on the other, Nomad and Dot lying between them. Bucky, for the first time in days, is deeply asleep, but Dot is awake, and in the dark, Steve can see her big eyes staring at him.</p><p>"I'm glad to see you again Dot," he murmurs lowly to avoid waking Bucky up.</p><p>She tilts her head to the right, and Steve, after all these years, remembers that this is her way of smiling.</p><p>"Me too, Steve.”</p><p>"Is there- Can I- Ask you a sensitive question?”</p><p>"Go ahead.”</p><p>"How is it- I mean, how did you survive the interci- I mean, the separation?”</p><p>Intercision. He hates that word, the image it sends back, a human in a glass cage, a daemon in the other, and a golden guillotine between them, which falls like a cleaver and breaks their bond. Steve doesn't even understand how it's possible, but HYDRA has always been at the forefront of torture.</p><p>"We have not been through intercision," Dot replies in her small voice. “We parted voluntarily.”</p><p>"What?" Steve asks, stunned.</p><p>"James doesn't remember it since his memory has been erased, but I’ve kept our memories. When he fell off the train, he didn’t die in the fall. Zola had already altered his body. He didn't want to talk about it, even with me, so we never told you.”</p><p>"I suspected it," whispers Steve. “He healed so fast when he was wounded during the war...”</p><p>"Exactly. That's how he survived the fall, but he had his arm ripped off, and he was half unconscious. I was going insane with pain too, but I quickly realized that if I didn't go for help, we would both die in that ravine. So I left.”</p><p>Steve shudders, and Nomad, who listens in silence, curls up against him.</p><p>"And it was horrible," Dot continued. "James was screaming because of our bond, and every step made me want to turn around, but I kept going."</p><p>"You weren’t afraid of dying by breaking your bond?"</p><p>Dot remains silent, thoughtful, and then ends up answering.</p><p>"We met someone in Azzano. A prisoner, like us. He didn't have a daemon, and it terrified us at first, but he didn't look like the ones HYDRA was performing intercision on. He had already survived it. HYDRA kept him in captivity to try to understand how it was possible for him to still be alive with his daemon far from him. One day, while we were locked in the same cell, he revealed to us that even if the thread that prevents a human from moving away from his daemon is broken, a connection remains. Less sharp, but deeper. But it must be done on a voluntary basis; it is the only way to survive it.</p><p>"What happened to this man?" asks Steve.</p><p>“HYDRA found his daemon trying to infiltrate the base to save him. They killed the daemon; The man died at the same time. When James fell, I thought about that story. I thought it was the only thing I could do to save him. I walked away, and James yelled at me to come back, he was lying on the snow, full of blood, and I explained to him what I wanted to do, but he didn't really understand. Finally, he nodded, and I left to try to find someone. James and I have been subjected to a lot of torture in the last few decades, but this pain was the worst of all, without comparison.</p><p>Steve wants to stroke her back to comfort her, but he's afraid the sensation will wake Bucky up.</p><p>"I ran into someone, finally," said Dot. “After running for hours. I found two men, and I asked them to come and help me save my human, and they followed me. They didn't even ask how I had tried to get away from him at this point. I should have taken it as a sign, but I was blinded by the pain and sadness of breaking our bond. Both men were part of HYDRA. They were looking for us, too, on Zola's orders. James and I were imprisoned.”</p><p>This time, she lowers her head, and resumes in an even lower voice.</p><p>"I delivered him to HYDRA. I didn't want to let him die, but I left him to an even worse fate.”</p><p>A hand comes out from under the blankets, and lands on Dot's head before petting her behind her ears.</p><p>"I'm glad I'm alive," whispers Bucky with a hoarse voice. “Even after everything we've been through.”</p><p>Dot turns to him and licks his hand, restless.</p><p>"I wish I had spared you all that," says Dot.</p><p>"I, too, would have liked to spare you all this," Bucky replies sadly. “I don't have many memories, but you remember everything. Every torture.”</p><p>"I should have jumped after you to save you," says Steve.</p><p>"And so should I," adds Nomad.</p><p>For a moment, the four of them look at each other, then Bucky shakes his head and smiles.</p><p>"There is no point in dwelling on the past.”</p><p>"What about the future?" asks Steve. “What are you going to do now, Buck?”</p><p>"Never part from Dot again.”</p><p>Steve nods, but Bucky's answer doesn't tell him more about the question that really plagues him.</p><p>Bucky seems to feel it, as he looks up at him.</p><p>"I don't know who I am anymore, Steve. I'm not your Bucky anymore. I barely remember you.”</p><p><em>You'll always be my Bucky,</em> Steve wants to answer, but instead, he nods.</p><p>"I don't want to force you to stay with me, Buck. But if you want to... The door is wide open for you.”</p><p>Bucky looks down at Dot.</p><p>"You’ve been deprived of your choices for too long," he says. “It's up to you.”</p><p>Dot doesn’t hesitate for a moment; she gets up, and goes to lie down right next to Nomad, half buried in his mane, and gently bites his ear before licking it. Then she turns her head to Bucky.</p><p>"I want to stay with Steve and Nomad. And I know that's what you want too, even if you're not sure of your identity. Steve will help you find it. Or build a new one. He'll help us, James. As he has always done.”</p><p>Bucky stares at her, bewildered, then at Steve, and finally, after a few long seconds, he nods.</p><p>"Okay," he whispers.</p><p>He gently strokes Dot's head, then scratches Nomad's belly, then, shyly, slides his fingers between Steve's, and addresses him with a hesitant smile.</p><p>"Okay," he repeats.</p><p>Steve tightens his grip around Bucky’s, silently, and smiles back at him over their two daemons</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading this fic! If you enjoyed it, please show some love to the original author as I'm sure they'd love it too :D</p></blockquote></div></div>
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